Mortals love stories where people like themselves travel to other worlds that they believe only exist in books and movies, not knowing how close other worlds are to them. I can’t say the same thing for those other beings in those other worlds. What you humans call the real world is usually too noisy and chaotic then the average fairy tale creature can take, so we live in a world void of drugs, pornography, gang warfare and insane American politicians and Hollywood actors. Of course we have to avoid goblins, evil wizards, and insane commando giraffes.
But this is not an essay in otherworlds philosophy, but a Storyblazer film review. You might think ‘Voyage of the Unicorn’ is about a unicorn who takes a voyage somewhere. Instead Dr. Alan Aisling travels with his two daughters, Cassie and Miranda to that other world in search of the legendary dragon’s skull on board a ship called ‘The Unicorn’. They are in a race to find the skull before the demon Trolls find it. Accompanying the trio of adventuring human beings is a couple of dwarfs, one who happens to really know how to kick troll butt.
Along the way they meet some fairies, a talking turtle type person thing, (who must somehow be related to the turtle thing in the Neverending Story) wander a labyrinth and meet the Minotaur, pluck some silver apples and meet Olaf the sweetish Ogre, and go to some island and meet sweet looking Medusa and the boring riddle giver the Sphinx. Plus they meet a real unicorn.
There’s magic, mayhem, fighting and fun. No one seriously gets hurt during any of the battles, save the trolls. They somehow always manage to get kicked around and never manage to kick anyone around. So add this 4 booyas out of 5 booyas film to your collection of films to see and enjoy. There is also some cool references to faith and miracles that I won’t get into at this point as ……………..
(All the pens in the place where Banyai is staying have exploded and inked up the house worse then a giant octopus)
This has been a Banyai the Elf Storyblazers Report
Start a Fire
Storyblazer Introduction
Showing posts with label Banyai. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Banyai. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Push
I took an unfunny pill before I wrote this review. So don’t expect your usual ha ha’s and wonderful wit you will usually expect with a Storyblazer review. My personal experience and vast wonderful interesting stories that accompany the wit, are lacking too. When your on the run from elf hunters, an unfunny pill throws them off the scent. It’s tough to be persecuted because your different. Which brings us to this review.
If your one lone being with superpowers like Superman, Spiderman, or Barak Obama you usually receive praise and honor among ordinary citizens. When you expand this extraordinary ability to a group of individuals, praise and respect is replaced with fear and loathing. Usually a law suit is raised to stop you parading around and saving people’s lives (Incredibles, upcoming Watchmen) or else the government or some other disgruntled organization decides to hunt you down and lock you away where you can’t use your abilities (Heroes, X-Men, Jumper, Revenge of the Sith). In ‘Push’ the government decides to use the extraordinary power of individuals to further their own lust for power. This lust was passed down by the Nazi’s who started tampering with people’s psychic mental state.
Kira Hudson is the only person ever to escape ‘The division’. She is a pusher. They can push specific memories, emotions and thoughts into a person’s mind. The evil villain after Kira is also a pusher. Also after Kira is the Chinese equivalent of the Division. Both sides have a team of Sniffers and Watchers trying to track them down. Watchers watch the future and sniffers can stiff out a person’s past from an object they have touched. It is interesting to watch a person’s past flash by as a sniffer picks up a tooth brush and the moviegoer watches past events unfold before their eyes. The other people looking for Kira are Slacker Mover Nick and 14 year old Watcher Cassie. Movers can move things with their mind. These are the good guys. Seeing Kira is the only one to flee ‘The Division’, she has the only key to stopping ‘The Division’ for good.
Cassie (or should I say Dakota Fanning) is not the only interesting character in the film but is the most interesting character and the one who holds the film together and the reason to actually see the movie, as much fun as the fight scenes and other cool action sci-fi stuff there is. She is one cool human being. If only she were an elf. The best moments in the film involve Cassie and Nick trying to make the future unwatchable to the Chinese watchers. A mystical time trippy chess match is being played by the good guys and the Lollypop sucking Watcher.
In the film you’ll also see Bleeders, Shifters, Wipers, Shadows, and Snitchers. Dr. Seuss could work a good book out of all the people with powers in this film. If I had more gumption I would do it myself. For more explanation on these things it is best to go to Wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Push_(2009_film)
Ok. It’s time for me to try and put a moral theme to this film. It’s amazing that those with no power want to control those with marvelous miraculous powers. After healing a man on the Sabbath and raising a friend from the dead, the Grand Storyteller’s enemies wanted to kill him and to kill the man he rose from the dead. His trusted disciples, John and Peter were thrown in jail after healing a crippled man.
When certain followers of the Grand Story Teller through the centuries displayed great acts of love to others, those with unloving hearts wanted their great power of love to be snuffed out or silenced.
This communist philosophy displayed by certain individuals wants all citizens to be the same with no one being better then anyone else. Grand Storyteller philosophy teaches that everyone is the same before The Grand Storyteller but that everyone has different gifts and that each person has a part to play in the overall plot of the story. Not all gifts are written equaly. Some gifts have more responsibility. But each gift adds value to the whole. The tiniest part of a machine helps it to run smoothly. The little triangle in an orchestra adds to the overall quality of the symphony. The littlest Hobbit adds to Frodo’s overall journey.
You can either shut other beings down because there better at you in business, love, or flying, or you can take the gifts you have and try to make better use of them in your own individual lives. Just because other better superhero movies have been made does not mean that you shouldn’t try to make your own, like the makers of this film did. It’s not ‘X-Men’, or ‘The Dark Knight’, but it isn’t ‘The Fantastic Four’ either. It might satisfy your action adventure craving or it might make you want to put ‘The Incredibles’ in and watch it. Not a bad film, but not great either. It is somewhat fun though. It will leave theaters soon after I write this review and you can get it through the marvelous empire known as Netflix. I will tell you about the magical equivalent sometime.
This is where my review ends as it looks as I may have to fend off the elf hunters with some Elf fu.
2.75 Booya’s out of 5.
This has been a Banyai Storyblazer report.
If your one lone being with superpowers like Superman, Spiderman, or Barak Obama you usually receive praise and honor among ordinary citizens. When you expand this extraordinary ability to a group of individuals, praise and respect is replaced with fear and loathing. Usually a law suit is raised to stop you parading around and saving people’s lives (Incredibles, upcoming Watchmen) or else the government or some other disgruntled organization decides to hunt you down and lock you away where you can’t use your abilities (Heroes, X-Men, Jumper, Revenge of the Sith). In ‘Push’ the government decides to use the extraordinary power of individuals to further their own lust for power. This lust was passed down by the Nazi’s who started tampering with people’s psychic mental state.
Kira Hudson is the only person ever to escape ‘The division’. She is a pusher. They can push specific memories, emotions and thoughts into a person’s mind. The evil villain after Kira is also a pusher. Also after Kira is the Chinese equivalent of the Division. Both sides have a team of Sniffers and Watchers trying to track them down. Watchers watch the future and sniffers can stiff out a person’s past from an object they have touched. It is interesting to watch a person’s past flash by as a sniffer picks up a tooth brush and the moviegoer watches past events unfold before their eyes. The other people looking for Kira are Slacker Mover Nick and 14 year old Watcher Cassie. Movers can move things with their mind. These are the good guys. Seeing Kira is the only one to flee ‘The Division’, she has the only key to stopping ‘The Division’ for good.
Cassie (or should I say Dakota Fanning) is not the only interesting character in the film but is the most interesting character and the one who holds the film together and the reason to actually see the movie, as much fun as the fight scenes and other cool action sci-fi stuff there is. She is one cool human being. If only she were an elf. The best moments in the film involve Cassie and Nick trying to make the future unwatchable to the Chinese watchers. A mystical time trippy chess match is being played by the good guys and the Lollypop sucking Watcher.
In the film you’ll also see Bleeders, Shifters, Wipers, Shadows, and Snitchers. Dr. Seuss could work a good book out of all the people with powers in this film. If I had more gumption I would do it myself. For more explanation on these things it is best to go to Wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Push_(2009_film)
Ok. It’s time for me to try and put a moral theme to this film. It’s amazing that those with no power want to control those with marvelous miraculous powers. After healing a man on the Sabbath and raising a friend from the dead, the Grand Storyteller’s enemies wanted to kill him and to kill the man he rose from the dead. His trusted disciples, John and Peter were thrown in jail after healing a crippled man.
When certain followers of the Grand Story Teller through the centuries displayed great acts of love to others, those with unloving hearts wanted their great power of love to be snuffed out or silenced.
This communist philosophy displayed by certain individuals wants all citizens to be the same with no one being better then anyone else. Grand Storyteller philosophy teaches that everyone is the same before The Grand Storyteller but that everyone has different gifts and that each person has a part to play in the overall plot of the story. Not all gifts are written equaly. Some gifts have more responsibility. But each gift adds value to the whole. The tiniest part of a machine helps it to run smoothly. The little triangle in an orchestra adds to the overall quality of the symphony. The littlest Hobbit adds to Frodo’s overall journey.
You can either shut other beings down because there better at you in business, love, or flying, or you can take the gifts you have and try to make better use of them in your own individual lives. Just because other better superhero movies have been made does not mean that you shouldn’t try to make your own, like the makers of this film did. It’s not ‘X-Men’, or ‘The Dark Knight’, but it isn’t ‘The Fantastic Four’ either. It might satisfy your action adventure craving or it might make you want to put ‘The Incredibles’ in and watch it. Not a bad film, but not great either. It is somewhat fun though. It will leave theaters soon after I write this review and you can get it through the marvelous empire known as Netflix. I will tell you about the magical equivalent sometime.
This is where my review ends as it looks as I may have to fend off the elf hunters with some Elf fu.
2.75 Booya’s out of 5.
This has been a Banyai Storyblazer report.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
One of the most fascinating places in modern humandum, is that marvelous architectural wonder known as the mall. An elf could live there for a long time without being spotted by a human. By the way, I’m an elf. No seriously. Look I didn’t believe in humans the first time I heard about them either. But I’m not here to engage in a philosophical debate, I’m a Storyblazer and here is a blazing story review. Back to the mall.
If only the medieval calstles had as many places to go, and as many things to buy as the mall. Usually you don’t buy too many things in a castle. You are usually a tyrant king waiting to be overthrown by some gallant knight or you’re a princess waiting to be rescued by a valiant knight. That is not too far off the left field in this modern classic ‘Paul Blaurt: Mall Cop.
It really is a classic. I own the 100th anniversary edition. Traveling through time, you end up getting some sweet deals on films that are still in theaters and some that are not even out yet. Golly Gee Gosh, I just can’t tell you how lost turned out. Strict rules of the Storyblazers. We can only comment and reveal stories that are currently happening in the present time steam. Of course not too many can travel through time. Seeing I’m in the year known as 2009, I can’t tell you what happens to our beloved castaways on the mysterious island. It was just so disappointing that… Oh sorry to tantalize you.
By the way I was in the mall at the time hiding out from some trolls when they filmed it, so it is kind of special. If you have mystical fairy sight you might be able to see me behind Amy’s kiosk stand. She’s a character in the movie by the way.
Paul Blart is your average typical guy. He has a job that most people get stuck in. Mundane and unexciting. The majority of people living throughout the centuries have had the same type of job. Goat herders. Wondering crazy gypsy. Dragon poop- picker upper. What most mortals don’t realize is that they can make the mundane into a extraordinary experience. The grand storyteller doesn’t write life out to be boring. He writes it to be exciting. We (elf kind too) don’t feel the excitement of life because the routine of what we do does not match the greater dreams we have in our head. I didn’t want to be a Storyblazer, I wanted to build toys in Santa’s castle. But I have found this job to me more exciting and rewarding because I realize the good that I am doing for poor saps like you who need to be culturally educated in fine storytelling.
Paul Blart wants to join the NJ police force and be a big shot. But his hypoglycemia punches him when he is in his stride and causes him to remain a mall cop. He is also a lonely heart. His Mexican wife ditched him and his daughter after she got her citizenship or some un-loving act. Now he lives with his daughter and his mom. Moms no matter what species always have a open home and heart for their children, especially certain species that eat their young. His daughter wants to sign him up on a computer dating sight. Back in the day cupid just fly in and planted an arrow in the heart and Walla, marriage, kids.
PB gets up everyday and goes to make the West Orange Pavilion Mall a safe place for all to shop. He is good at his job and perhaps takes it a tad bit too seriously, much like dwarfs in gold mines. His regular routine of stopping old men running ragged on their scoters is put to a halt when he spies the new kiosk vender AMY. I mentioned her paragraphs above. He is truly lost in love as he crashes into a mini-van. She is a fine looking human female.
Human females in all honesty are the most good looking of all the human looking species, except for that leprechaun I meet in El Paso Texas. Blarney!
After building up Paul Blart’s character and how sad he is that his life is not going the way he wants it to, with the added heartache of having embarrassed himself after consuming too much alcohol by accident ( he doesn’t drink) we get to the real juicy meat of the story.
On the most materialistic day of humanistic America, the day after Americans give thanks for having a day off and too much Turkey and Apple Pie, some crooks disguised as Santa’s elves, who must have been inspired by the original Die Hard or the 78 elfin revolt at Santa’s castle , decide to seal off the mall and rob the bank inside. Paul was busy at the time rocking out on Guitar Hero to leave the mallwith all the other shoppers and Mall staff. Now like John McClane he is alone in the mall. But unlike John, he is untrained, unarmed and really really fat. Or as the PC trolls like to say, Non-skinnily challenged. Sue McDonalds is the rallying layer who is called out to protect over-fat people. He does have a sweet Segway though.. He decides to leave the mall until, DA DA. He founds out his woman is trapped inside with the villains. The head villain is none other then Paul’s young novice Vech. I really didn’t see it coming. Now if you see this film you won’t see it coming either.
Paul’s adversaries are younger, hipper, more athletic and more likely to kick Paul’s rump. They are so confident in their awesomeness. But pride goith before Paul Blurt lands on you. His motivation to run away like a scared little rent-a-cop is changed when the woman he wants to love is a hostage inside the bank. Later on, add his daugher to the mix. Paul is not Bruce Willis or Steven Segaul or even Frodo Baggins. Frodo had a sword and a wizard to help him out. But like Frodo, the most unlikely becomes the most likely hero. In the end he even looks pretty bad ad. The villain thought he could waltz right in and have the operation go smoothly like in Ocean’s Eleven. But of course that annoying hero was their to mess things up.
Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to go. Sometimes when you think an evil deed is going to go smoothly, some unforeseen justice comes to rain on your parade. Sometimes when you think your life is going to be routine and mundane, some goons (I have meet literal ones) come to challenge you to rise above it. The grand storyteller is doing that all the time throughout his fabric of stories. Raising up the weak to shame the strong. Raising up the un-wise to shame the wise. Raising up the fat overweight mall cops to crush the athletic cocky young computer geniuses.
This could have easily turned into a raunchy laughfest or a bloody Rambo fest. Instead it turns out to be a worthy story to watch and laugh with your offspring and other younglings. The scene inside the Rain Forrest Café is especially cool. Showdowns in Rain Forrest’s are usually pretty exciting. I speak from personal experience. See Paul Blurt: Mall Cop. Heck maybe even become a Mall Cop.
4 Big Booya’s out of 5.
This is a Banyai Storyblazer Movie Report.
If only the medieval calstles had as many places to go, and as many things to buy as the mall. Usually you don’t buy too many things in a castle. You are usually a tyrant king waiting to be overthrown by some gallant knight or you’re a princess waiting to be rescued by a valiant knight. That is not too far off the left field in this modern classic ‘Paul Blaurt: Mall Cop.
It really is a classic. I own the 100th anniversary edition. Traveling through time, you end up getting some sweet deals on films that are still in theaters and some that are not even out yet. Golly Gee Gosh, I just can’t tell you how lost turned out. Strict rules of the Storyblazers. We can only comment and reveal stories that are currently happening in the present time steam. Of course not too many can travel through time. Seeing I’m in the year known as 2009, I can’t tell you what happens to our beloved castaways on the mysterious island. It was just so disappointing that… Oh sorry to tantalize you.
By the way I was in the mall at the time hiding out from some trolls when they filmed it, so it is kind of special. If you have mystical fairy sight you might be able to see me behind Amy’s kiosk stand. She’s a character in the movie by the way.
Paul Blart is your average typical guy. He has a job that most people get stuck in. Mundane and unexciting. The majority of people living throughout the centuries have had the same type of job. Goat herders. Wondering crazy gypsy. Dragon poop- picker upper. What most mortals don’t realize is that they can make the mundane into a extraordinary experience. The grand storyteller doesn’t write life out to be boring. He writes it to be exciting. We (elf kind too) don’t feel the excitement of life because the routine of what we do does not match the greater dreams we have in our head. I didn’t want to be a Storyblazer, I wanted to build toys in Santa’s castle. But I have found this job to me more exciting and rewarding because I realize the good that I am doing for poor saps like you who need to be culturally educated in fine storytelling.
Paul Blart wants to join the NJ police force and be a big shot. But his hypoglycemia punches him when he is in his stride and causes him to remain a mall cop. He is also a lonely heart. His Mexican wife ditched him and his daughter after she got her citizenship or some un-loving act. Now he lives with his daughter and his mom. Moms no matter what species always have a open home and heart for their children, especially certain species that eat their young. His daughter wants to sign him up on a computer dating sight. Back in the day cupid just fly in and planted an arrow in the heart and Walla, marriage, kids.
PB gets up everyday and goes to make the West Orange Pavilion Mall a safe place for all to shop. He is good at his job and perhaps takes it a tad bit too seriously, much like dwarfs in gold mines. His regular routine of stopping old men running ragged on their scoters is put to a halt when he spies the new kiosk vender AMY. I mentioned her paragraphs above. He is truly lost in love as he crashes into a mini-van. She is a fine looking human female.
Human females in all honesty are the most good looking of all the human looking species, except for that leprechaun I meet in El Paso Texas. Blarney!
After building up Paul Blart’s character and how sad he is that his life is not going the way he wants it to, with the added heartache of having embarrassed himself after consuming too much alcohol by accident ( he doesn’t drink) we get to the real juicy meat of the story.
On the most materialistic day of humanistic America, the day after Americans give thanks for having a day off and too much Turkey and Apple Pie, some crooks disguised as Santa’s elves, who must have been inspired by the original Die Hard or the 78 elfin revolt at Santa’s castle , decide to seal off the mall and rob the bank inside. Paul was busy at the time rocking out on Guitar Hero to leave the mallwith all the other shoppers and Mall staff. Now like John McClane he is alone in the mall. But unlike John, he is untrained, unarmed and really really fat. Or as the PC trolls like to say, Non-skinnily challenged. Sue McDonalds is the rallying layer who is called out to protect over-fat people. He does have a sweet Segway though.. He decides to leave the mall until, DA DA. He founds out his woman is trapped inside with the villains. The head villain is none other then Paul’s young novice Vech. I really didn’t see it coming. Now if you see this film you won’t see it coming either.
Paul’s adversaries are younger, hipper, more athletic and more likely to kick Paul’s rump. They are so confident in their awesomeness. But pride goith before Paul Blurt lands on you. His motivation to run away like a scared little rent-a-cop is changed when the woman he wants to love is a hostage inside the bank. Later on, add his daugher to the mix. Paul is not Bruce Willis or Steven Segaul or even Frodo Baggins. Frodo had a sword and a wizard to help him out. But like Frodo, the most unlikely becomes the most likely hero. In the end he even looks pretty bad ad. The villain thought he could waltz right in and have the operation go smoothly like in Ocean’s Eleven. But of course that annoying hero was their to mess things up.
Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to go. Sometimes when you think an evil deed is going to go smoothly, some unforeseen justice comes to rain on your parade. Sometimes when you think your life is going to be routine and mundane, some goons (I have meet literal ones) come to challenge you to rise above it. The grand storyteller is doing that all the time throughout his fabric of stories. Raising up the weak to shame the strong. Raising up the un-wise to shame the wise. Raising up the fat overweight mall cops to crush the athletic cocky young computer geniuses.
This could have easily turned into a raunchy laughfest or a bloody Rambo fest. Instead it turns out to be a worthy story to watch and laugh with your offspring and other younglings. The scene inside the Rain Forrest Café is especially cool. Showdowns in Rain Forrest’s are usually pretty exciting. I speak from personal experience. See Paul Blurt: Mall Cop. Heck maybe even become a Mall Cop.
4 Big Booya’s out of 5.
This is a Banyai Storyblazer Movie Report.
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